Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Randomize
