I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
