I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
