Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
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