omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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