lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
