I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize