You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
