the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Liz is crying about burritos again.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
