I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Randomize
