idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
