I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Randomize
