So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
