I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Randomize
