If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
