I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Can you bring me the toilet please
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Randomize
