U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Randomize
