Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Randomize
