I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
I am midnight drunk by noon
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Gay?
German.
Pity.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Randomize
