She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize