Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I got inside last night via doggy door
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
