Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
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