FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
