peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize