I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Randomize
