omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
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