did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Randomize