Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
