Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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