Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Alive.
So much puke
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Randomize
