Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
