he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Randomize
