sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Randomize
