I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
