no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
