I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize