if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
