not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
