He is such a slut. More and more my type.
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
