We won't sleep together?
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
