Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize