We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
Too much gin, very little bucket
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
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