God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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