so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Randomize
