True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Farmville is her only friend.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
