you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
