i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
