Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
