so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
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