Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
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