Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
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