i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
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