Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
