oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
My bed smells like the plague
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