R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Randomize
