Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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