just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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