the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
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