At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
Randomize
