I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
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