I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Randomize
