i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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