Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
