I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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