I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Randomize
