I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
