Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
