Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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