I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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