Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
