talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
We're too hungover to prance.
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