I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Randomize
