he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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