Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I look excited, but its just a facade.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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