Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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