Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Randomize
