Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bondingš
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
You know itās going to be a rough day when you scream āGet fuckedā at your alarm clock
Iām pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
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