I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
