Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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