Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
