Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Randomize