I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
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