I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
of course. lets lasso hookers.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
