Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
he's gonorrhea incarnate
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
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