Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Randomize