Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Randomize
