My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
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