The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
