I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
