i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
