dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
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