My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Randomize
