Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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