Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
